Hi. My name is Law. Just wanted to clear that identity crisis up.
I’ve been hiding behind my Self-Titled Album projects on this site for the last couple of months, and I intend to keep it that way for the most part until I say so. However, I’ll acknowledge that I’m doing a poor job of updating people about my life and my thoughts. This is mainly because I live in a vacuum that consists of my past, present, and future.
First the past. The last three years were the craziest of my life; I’ll never relive my senior year of college, my year as a City Year Greater Philadelphia corps member, and my year as a City Year Los Angeles senior corps member in succession again. Three graduations in three years in three very different locations (rural western Pennsylvania, home in Philadelphia, way away in Los Angeles). I enjoyed the next year more than the previous ones, but it was all pressure. Pressure that ultimately led to me leaving all three of the associations I had been a part of at the end of the year. But I’m so glad I’m in Los Angeles. I feel good about the people I get to see on occasion, and I never felt this settled inter-personally in Pennsylvania. I think I know the reason: I knew I had to grow up and that I’d be a better person for the next group of people who knew me. My attitude isn’t too mercurial. I’m usually either optimistic about current things getting better, or edgy and reclusive as I wait for things to change. Which leads me to…
…My present. When I’m not at work, I am that optimist around my good people here. I have the clear head to think up and push forward. But I have to eat to live, so I work. You can safely assume from the few articles I write that do address work (like this!) that I’m edgy as all hell for around 20-30 hours a week. My most notable work story from last month? My accidentally hitting a fire alarm changing a trash can. And I didn’t even find the fun in that because of the multi-hundred threat of a fine such a mistake is. (Mind you, a customer did the exact same thing a week later. Bad placement!) I don’t think it’s fair to my co-workers that I come into work hiding myself every day. I’m not mean or anything. I’m just way too reclusive. Work these days is just that: work. Being behind the bar for me is low upside; I have a little bit of joy that I don’t let anyone steal, but at the same time I find myself spending a lot of energy holding onto it. I rarely talk about life these days because I don’t want what I have to get away from me. That has very little to do with Starbucks. In reality, I won’t quit my job at Starbucks for anything lateral. I was offered a tutoring job last month; turned it down. I can’t handle something like that right now; wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture. My present life consists of:
- work
- financial management
- feeling good about cooking maybe 50-75% more than last year
- writing about football
- playing football (I joined a flag football team in a ten-team league that plays every Sunday. We could be better, but I’m staying in shape and remembering what it’s like to have fun)
- and now, studying for the GRE again.
Yes, the NBA lockout was the deciding factor to study for a 3+ hour test that I already took.
I guess studying for the GRE is the present, but maybe it is my future. The fact is, the people I am around are my past. Luckily for me, I embrace my past as part of my present and (less likely) my future. I need my past more than others do. But my future feels good. I couldn’t say that the last three years. After graduating in 2009, I went back home. After graduating in 2010, I left home. After graduating in 2011, I started working a part-time job and decided it was in my best interests to keep it for a few months. I’m not known for leaning towards providence. But I am known for being patient.
I like how I feel these days, believe it or not. Usually when daylight savings time ends, I’m either getting myself into trouble or slowly navigating in the red. Most of the things that made me feel bad in the past were as a result of being unsure of my place with either my current location or a terminal situation at hand with a person I cared about. Being in the right place at the right time with the right people is key. I don’t have much going on these days, but I feel good about those three things: my people, my place, my time.
And like Daylight Savings Time, this article ends. I'm sure I'll have more fun stories soon enough!
-1SKILLZ