I’m not here to write cute, or to answer questions, or to reveal anything. This won’t be pretty, mainly because I don’t know what I want to say or how I want to say it.
This isn’t even therapeutic for me, even though it’s for me than anyone else.
But it is the end of the 2017-18 season. And I want to mark it by declaring that I’m going into Labor Day by looking ahead.
I did not have a bad year.
(Let me say that one more time for myself! “I did not have a bad year!”)
I did not have a good year.
This isn’t about sports, or work, but our lives are driven by how we’re making a living. So let me say, in as few words as possible, that I am excited about where I am at in my job (which is a short-term focus, and very specific) and where I am at in my career (which is a nebulous long-term focus – one that is only in consideration through summer 2020). And that’s all I have to say about that very important part of my life, as anyone who knows me understands that I take my art seriously.
Now that’s out the way – I have to work on myself. I’ve had to sit and think about that fact for months. It’s gnawed at me.
I am 31. My spirituality has always been in a weird place as an adult, but that place went into a further dimension this past year. Basically, I’m always reminded that I’m never alone. Nothing I do affects just me while I’m on Earth, so I carry that accountability with me everywhere and in anything I do.
Happiness … I don’t know how to describe it, but this was not one of my happier years. I do know that I need to enjoy people more next season. And I need to appreciate relationships more. And understand them! Yeah, I was garbage this year when it came to relationships. Do you know what you doin’? I acted like a broken magnet this year. I got too comfortable waiting on the wrong things, and I wasn’t demanding enough of myself or the people in my life. I have to start over, but I don’t have to rebuild everything … I just need to renovate a bit. Value reciprocation.
So I can say that over this next year, I’m going to feel better. I am going to be better. I know, because that’s my priority now. I need to get back to enjoying life, but not in the ways I used to when pressures were different, and not like everyone else. I will need the next ten months to feel some progress, and I will not promise that I’ll return to this space at that point to spill anything.
Recapping: I’m coming off an average year, with a high variance. A lot of highs, a lot of lows. Outside of work, the shell grew quite inflexible. I lost a lot, and I lost even while I thought I was gaining. My mental and physical state is fine, but maybe I went too deep in the red spiritually and emotionally.
2018-19 will be about good energy and light. Lots of light. I may go dark for a phase… I may need to reset unexpectedly. I might get stuck, and I may wait in stubbornness. Through it all, I believe that I will embrace the mirror more as the next season progresses. There’s not much more that I can say. Mark 10:17-31 taught me a lot about putting action behind aspirations. So I will leave this here for now and go act forth and have a good season.
(Hernando Rivera)
-1SKILLZ