MADDSKILLZ Update
Best of September
1SKILLZ Management (1maddskillz@gmail.com)
Quote of the Month- “Nothing’s changed.” My Mother (September 03)
Quote of the Month- “Why they let the Terminator win the election, come on pay attention…” Jadakiss, Why (September 04)
Quote of the Month- “I want everyone to enjoy their weekend, but be safe…don’t end any lives…AND DON’T BEGIN ANY LIVES!!” Dr. Thomas Mueller, at the end of Geography class (September 05)
Quote of the Month- “I laughed a little at some of the stuff you wrote. I don’t even know you. But thanks for the laugh,” Amy McGinnis in reference to the August 06 MADDSKILLZ Update (September 06)
Quote of the Month: “They’re killing me. They’re killing my family. They’re killing my coaching staff. Kill the White Sox fans. They kill the owner. They kill everyone. I hope they feel the same way we feel. I hope somebody out there cares the way we care. Good guys or nice guys finish [expletive] last. I’m tired of seeing that [crap], day in and day out. And I don’t want to spend a miserable September seeing the same [crap]. If I have to see the same [crap], I told Kenny, ‘Bring somebody up. [Expletive] it.’ If it’s my fault, I should be moving out of here then. If it’s my fault, [expletive] fire my ass and I’ll be fine. I have the job to do, and I get paid a lot of [expletive] money to make this club work, but it’s not easy to work with people like that. It’s not easy.” Ozzie Guillen, Chicago White Sox manager. (Ozzie also probably said the following: “Look they kill the White Sox, they kill the Cubs, downtown, Bridgeport, Lincoln Park, the rough South Side of Chicago, killing fans in Minnesota, Kansas City, them boys up in Detroit, they killing the team president’s whole family, Ozzie Guillen ain’t nobody to mess with, the AL Central, the whole damn American League, the Black Sox of 1919! Ozzie Guillen ain’t nobody to mess with, all over Major League Baseball, Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron, they killing everyone. Ozzie Guillen ain’t nobody to mess with, just ask Mariotti! Chicago White Sox can let me go, it’s not safe anymore! Peace.”) (September 07)
Quote of the Month: “Now, I don’t believe that Senator McCain doesn’t care what’s going on in the lives of Americans. I just think he doesn’t know!” Senator Barack Obama during his acceptance of the Democratic nomination for President (September 08)
Quote of the Month: “I’m going to say the pathetic, saddening, heartbreaking words I’ve been dreading; I’ll wait. You & I know I’m right for you and you’re terrified. And you’ll come around. I hope. Because I’m basically sacrificing my own sanity and mental health & well being to wait for you. The words ‘it will be better when school starts’ shake my world up and change the way I look at things. As a wise friend said (L), ‘it’s a sacrificial decision, but sometimes you have to demonstrate consistency and commitment to receive it.’ And for the first time, I understand the word commitment.” Ali Canavan … featuring some input from me. (September 09)
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 03)
FIRST THOUGHTS (September 04) – Whaddup. Season 2 starts now, and there’s only one thing I’m going to say to introduce the Update any further. This Update will not aim to go “too far”. No, the FCC still has not found me out, but I’ve said some stuff the past few weeks that need to be washed clean. So, before this thing goes any further, I ask forgiveness…
For forgetting 10 year old people in a day camp still don’t know what illegal drugs are…
Telling that lady in that computer camp that vegetarian pizza is overrated when she just happened to be a vegetarian…
Threatening to stay out all night in Atlantic City…
Disrespecting the month of August…
Not disrespecting the Phillies enough…
Disrespecting Special K’s property…
Talking about anything containing peanuts…
Trying to be like Mike…
And finally, not starting the Update earlier.
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 04)
FIRST THOUGHTS (September 06) – It’s the first of the month, and besides rent at Jefferson being due, it means the MADDSKILLZ Update is out. This update is the first Update of the 2006-2007 season, which, if anyone cares about such things, is the fourth season of the MADDSKILLZ Update. That’s right; the MADDSKILLZ Update has been out longer than some post-Seinfeld alumni sitcoms. Now there are a few things that must be noted in this Update since a few things are different. To kick off the new season, I have a new e-mail address at the top there next to where my name is. I don’t have to retype it, just look up for a second. Now, look at the quote of the month. I remember this girl a little bit. If I saw her I’d recognize her. But it has been awhile, and the only way she could have saw the MADDSKILLZ Update is on Facebook. Now since Facebook is doing all kinds of things that make it easier to baby-sit your computer, I figured I put the MADDSKILLZ Update on it, and I already got about as many comments on it being on Facebook WITHOUT advertising it was there than I usually get from the 250+ people on the MADDSKILLZ Update e-mail list (that number is about right, that’s what happens when you change your e-mail address, I highly recommend it for now). So now I’m telling everyone, the Update is on Facebook. It also happens to be on my Myspace profile. Now I’ve had my Myspace page for a year now, but I haven’t talked about it in the Update because I didn’t feel like it. Myspace sucks actually. I probably say that because the Update has been at Myspace.com/1skills since January, and I’ve got like 4 comments on it since. But that’s okay, because like I said, I’m not on it much…unless people write something, than I’m changing songs and pictures in a hot second. Another change is the font is different. But that’s strictly for freshness. Speaking of freshness, I’m not a freshman anymore. This sucks too. See, freshmen are special only because they’re new. But that’s a damn good reason. And seniors are special because they are just about out the door. And juniors are special because they get to squeeze. The only thing a sophomore has is a slump. We’re not new, we still haven’t been here that long, and we don’t get any special going away packages. So let me review the changes: Update from Gmail, Update on Facebook, Update on Myspace, I’m a sophomore who is still fresh, and I’m going to slump if I don’t get this started.
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 05)
– (September 04) Here’s the deal about the USA Olympic basketball team. They won gold with NBA players in 92, 96, and 2000. Notice how so many players decided to not play this summer in Athens 2004. Why did they do this, leaving the team this year to finish with a bronze and plenty of criticism? Because it’s a conspiracy. People, those NBA players that turned the opportunity to play down had been tired of blowing out international teams. So they needed to show how good they are by showing how lackluster Carmelo and LeBron were against the world. So in 2008, the USA will be back, and they’ll go back to winning games by 50.
– (September 05) I’m in Steeler country. Good…now I have connections to two teams usually good enough to send everyone spiraling into clinical depression around Super Bowl time.
– (September 05) And Terrell Owens has come back to training camp, and will love his teammates like brothers. Those brothers? Cain and Abel.
– (September 05) I think science has just cloned another…thing. And there is still hunger in the world. I think they should clone food. Even McDonald’s and KFC. It wouldn’t be healthy, but who is ever hungry when they leave Wendy’s?? Clone FOOD, not some damn plant from the top of a rock or something!
– (September 06) You know those packets in beef jerky that say “Do Not Eat”? What I want to know is, who actually was thinking about eating a sanitizing packet?! It shouldn’t say “Do Not Eat”, it should say, “If Thinking about Eating, you are still hungry. Buy more beef jerky”.
– (September 06) So Osama has a thing for Whitney Houston? Can you imagine what would happen if they hooked up? You know I’ve been thinking about it. If they hooked up, Whitney wouldn’t change much, but Osama would break up with Al-Qaeda, be high all the time, and the US will finally catch him. All of this will be seen as it happens…on MTV.
– (September 07) Brother TJ keeps saying I look like Andre 3000. That was funny, but then I went to FCS Trailblazer camp for a day to be the special guest referee during the Counselor basketball game (more on that later) and I heard the same thing from quite a few people, most notably READ. Someone needs to hook me up with that celeb look alike site and if possible hook me up with Erykah Badu while I write next month’s update. That would make it an instant classic, like Aquemini.
– (September 07) I usually have a good story to tell about my Greyhound travels in between Philadelphia and Pittsburgh, and last month was no different. The weekend before I left I had to shell out fifty dollars to ship fifty pounds of three boxes. Then I STILL had to pay a $20 overweight luggage fine. As soon as I got to the bus station (mind you, I travel late so I got there EARLY at 10:30PM) there was this woman who would NOT shut up about an apparent stalker in the bus station. I guess the concern was genuine, but it was like she wanted the guy to look better or something. “Look at that man, preying on 15 year old girls, that man’s a pervert! With that jet black hair, that ain’t his real hair!” Over and over again, while two other kids were running wild around the bus station. That man’s a pervert! That man’s a pervert, preying on young girls, his ugly self. We didn’t board until after 12:30AM. I was already tired. So I get on the bus, and apparently it was coming from New York, so the coach was already packed. If I got to the station late enough, I wouldn’t have even been able to get on, that’s how few seats were available. The best seat I could find, unfortunately, was next to this old black guy who looked like Hulk Hogan. This guy spent the whole six hours smelling like smoke and rocking way too hard to his radio headphones. Other than that though, it was an easy trip. And quite boring; I didn’t see any females worth the trip.
– (September 07) What’s better, hostile agreement or peaceful disagreement?
– (September 08) I have an issue that I must address now. I have a new logo. The black and red stick figure sketch-artist logo that was inspired by Dave Chappelle has been replaced by an even more disorganized display of art. The new logo is black, orange, and red over color-pixilated television snow. Why did I change the logo up? I can always just say I felt like it. But you want the real reason. And that real reason is that I no longer have the hair to support the sketch-artist logo. Yes, my “lion-tamer” hair has been cut to the scalp, courtesy of Rob the Legend. I actually said on the tagline of the July 08 Update that “Rob cut me”. Of course, six people probably saw that tagline. So now I’m telling you. On June 30, 2008, Rob cut my hair. Here’s the story: Most of you know that up to that day I had been growing my hair out for 3.5 years. Since last December I went as far as trying to get dreadlocks; permanent hair lockage. I was anticipating the process to take as long as a year to complete, and I was willing to bite the bullet (RE: lose $$$) to make it work. I tried my best to take care of it: I always had a do-rag on before I rested my hair anywhere, eventually I let my hair breathe, I never got it wet, I always twisted it, etc. The results weren’t too encouraging, and I was starting to come to the conclusion that my hair was too soft and straight to lock. Or maybe I just had to be patient. Well one late Sunday night after balling at Brendan Kaminsky’s custom UNC court, I came home and starting twisting my hair, which was wet from playing and started to show signs of needing a touch up. The twisting turned into me taking ALL of my hair out of the locks. I was mad at this point, because after seven months, my hair refused to hold up. The day before, Rob hinted that he could cut my hair if need be. Well I decided to call him at 1:30 in the morning; this was an emergency as far as I was concerned. I simply told him to “cut my hair before I change my mind.” Impulse decision. Rob wasn’t sure I was serious, but after work the next day I showed up at his crib and told him to cut it all off. It took an hour, and Rob was cracking up the whole time! I hated that I had to cut my hair, but it was like putting a wounded pet to sleep: it had to be done. I’ve had to get used to not having all of my hair, since it was a part of my identity. I was always the “scattered one with the crazy hair”. Rest assured, I’m still a wild dude. And believe me, my haircut was not a business/corporate/professional decision, nor was it a decision to satisfy any females (sorry Lacy), so it may resurface if I feel like it. And if it grows back.
– (September 08) Besides my haircut, there’s another thing I’m downplaying, and it’s my senior status here at California (PA). It’s unavoidable at this point; I’ve reached my last year at Cal U, but I’m not excited about that at all. I’m not upset or sad either. Simply put, I just don’t care right now. I don’t feel like a senior because while it’s my last year, it’s not my last semester. I have too much to do this semester to be sitting back and thinking “wow, it’s my last year.” This semester in particular is just an extension of my junior year, making it the third semester of the “trilogy of hell”. Now the good thing about this semester is that my schedule is sweet. There are seven days in a week. I’m only in class six HOURS a week (MWF, 11AM and 2AM)! This is like 2004-2005, when then freshmen Isabel Friedman and Aimee Ingles would comment on the fact that it seemed like I was never in class. The flipside to that is that I have no easy classes and one class, Honors Thesis, which will be even more challenging than Communication Research from last semester and Broadcast Management from the semester before that. So I’m not advertising my senior status this semester. Call it “Senior In Utero”.
– (September 08) In Cincinnati, the Archdiocese has issued a detailed list of inappropriate behaviors for priests, which includes kissing children, tickling children, and wrestling children. Priests are also prohibited from sipping from the fountain of youth, fighting father time, and remaining young at heart. No word on whether or not priests are allowed to shop in Toys-R-Us, Kids Foot Locker, or babyGap.
– (September 08) My brother and I were on the expressway from Atlantic City one night last month when I noticed a big road sign that simply said “Stay Alive”…
– (September 08) I’m good at taking criticism. I can let a person’s words wash right off of me, whether they’re constructive or not. Compliments though? I never take compliments well. I know that sounds weird, but hear me out. Despite the fact that I am the 1 with the SKILLZ, I’m a meek and modest individual. In fact, referring to myself as the 1 with the SKILLZ is as far out of that range of modesty as I get. When I get compliments from other people, I get shy. I look away, try to hide smiling, just say thanks and nothing else. I’ll even try to be reciprocal, even though it’s not always appropriate to do so. My dad will say “I’m proud of you”, and I’ll say something like “Thanks Dad, I’m proud of you too”, for lack of something better to say. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for awhile but never thought to write about. Am I the only one who feels like this?
– (September 08) Barack Obama chose Delaware senator Joe Biden to be his running mate. This is good and all, but I was hoping it was going to be Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson! If Obama gets elected, I hope it The Rock has a spot in the Cabinet somewhere, perhaps as the Secretary of Defense! More on this as it develops.
– (September 08) Ah, politics sucks! Damn, I hate talking about politics. I have a feeling I’ll be talking a lot about politics come November, and so until then I’m going to try not to talk any more politics. I will say this though: Vote Dunston/Johnson in 2028!
– (September 08) I don’t need a full body massage tonight, but does anybody know where I can get a half body massage?
– (September 03) Friends’ Central, my school, just opened up a new Math, Science, and Technology Center. Unfortunately, they had to name it after the most gracious donor or something. Her name just happens to be Fannie Cox. Now, we already have the Wood Building. And just three years ago the school opened up the Shimada Athletic Center, conveniently abbreviated as the SAC. Now we have the Fannie Cox Center. I just hope a guy named Richard “Dick” Busch doesn’t donate money for a new track, which would be named the Dic… ***UPDATE EDITED FOR CONTENT***
– (September 09) There’s a thin line between love and hate. And on every one of those lines, there’s a G-Spot.
– (September 09) In a world of Magnetos, I’m like a Professor X. You know how Magneto is not really that evil, he just feels like there’s no hope for humans and mutants to live together peacefully? You know how he calls Professor X a fool for holding out hope that they can? That’s me. I try and fix situations that perhaps aren’t meant to be fixed, taking the most peaceful means possible while sitting in my chair using Cerebro.
– (September 05) I would talk about class…if I knew where they were.
– (September 09) You’ve heard the saying that you can’t send a boy to do a man’s job … but a boy needs to step up to replace a man sometimes, and a son needs to step up to replace a father sometimes.
– (September 06) …I was about to catch a late bus to Atlantic City from Philly. I stopped in a Crown Fried Chicken, one of the more ghetto fast-food establishments in America. I saw this tear-off application that said “Win a Trip to the Bahamas!” You know, all nice and shiny, intended to get people’s hopes up in the middle of the hood. I was like, what the heck, I’m 19, I’ll fill it out. I filled it out because it didn’t have complicated questions like “do you have kids?” For the record, I don’t have any kids obviously, but I have been telling people that my 15-year old brother is my son. Anyway, I get a call from some cheery dude saying I could go to the Bahamas. I was just like “really, I won?!” No I didn’t say that because that’s the most retarded question people ask in that situation. I knew I won. But I couldn’t go, it was bad timing for me, and I wasn’t funding it. But…I have a lot of pens. And I know a lot of Crown Fried Chickens. So I’m going to keep filling those things out.
– (September 07) African-American. African blood, American money…
– (September 09) Who the hell is Law Murray?! That would be me now. Seriously. Let me give you just one example of what ultimately was a month that had me cursing my luck. All my life, my parents intended for my name to be Lawrence Andrew Murray. The name Lawrence was really not supposed to be that difficult a name to spell, but dating back to preschool, GROWN EDUCATORS could not spell my damn name right. Again, it’s not like my name is Malachi or Nebuchadnezzar or Laurence. I guess that last one is a bad example, but the point is when I was young, I told people to call me Larry after one too many lower school teachers spelled my name “Larwence”. I continued to write Lawrence on everything because, you know, that’s my name. But I didn’t start phasing Larry out until the end of 10th grade. Even when I was in Spain, my host family couldn’t pronounce “Law-rence”, the best they could do was “Law-ren”. I still got a little peeved when I saw Lawrence spelled wrong by college peoples, but it was whatever. However, that would all change when I went to take the test for the driving permit about ten days ago. I needed my birth certificate, my passport, and my social security card. They said my social security card was worn and needed to be replaced, so I went to 12th and Market to get a new one. They asked for my ID/passport and my birth certificate. I was about to sign the paperwork, but I noticed they spelled my name “Lawerence” and simply told them there was a typo in my name. But the lady says to me that “Lawerence” is what is on my birth certificate. I take a close look at it (apparently something that nobody holding my birth certificate, including my parents in 1987, had ever done before) and noticed the mind-boggling error: my name was spelled “Lawerence Andrew Murray” on my birth certificate! This isn’t the equivalent to finding out you’re adopted after 22 years, but you shake your head about the same way. The least I could do is pass the permit test that day, which I did, getting 15/16 questions correct and proving once again that I still don’t need glasses despite me losing them over 2 years ago. But I came home, went through the hospital copy of my birth certificate, and saw the handwritten error on my birth certificate. I told my father to look at it for five minutes and tell me what was wrong. He didn’t notice the mistake, and I just rolled my eyes when I told him about the 22 year mistake! What was weird was that I had been using my “correct” spelling all my life, despite my erroneous birth certificate. Even my passport had the intended spelling. So basically, I had to apply for a new birth certificate and change my name to: Lawrence Andrew Murray. But I’m done calling myself Lawrence. I just graduated from college, so now is as good a time as ever to switch up my ID some. So just call me Law. It’s short for whatever name you believe might be on my birth certificate and it flows well. And I know that people will call me Lawrence, some will call me Larry, and some will call me at 3 o’clock in the morning. I’ll answer to all of that. I was trying to be the most famous Lawrence ever (had competition from Welk and that dude of Arabia), but now I’m trying to be the most famous Law, where I have competition from Murphy and Thermodynamics.
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 06)
ONE SHOT (September 07): I think the track of the moment is a cool addition to the MADDSKILLZ Update. Other than that, this was the longest MADDSKILLZ Update ever! You don’t need a damn ONE SHOT!
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 07)
And the Last Word… (September 04)
This isn’t my computer, and I already told you all last month nothing happens in August, and I don’t have all night to write this. Everybody have a nice start to the year and I’ll holla back next month.
That’s The Update I’m Outta Here
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 08)
This has been a MADDSKILLZ publication.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. No this will not be a Bad Boy Collaboration.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. No wankstas allowed.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. I wrote this a long time ago, a really long time ago…in 06.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Press Start.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Y’all don’t understand…
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Can’t be your Superman, your Superman, your Superman.
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 09)