MADDSKILLZ Update (Best of July)

MADDSKILLZ Update
Best of July
1SKILLZ Management (1maddskillz@gmail.com)

Quote of the Month- “No matter what ya’ll say or do/We gotta get this money/Watch out playa, we come for you/Take all of your homies/First of the month and rent’s due/Gotta get this paper/Come for us, we’ll wait for you/A million men can’t take us” R. Kelly with Nas (July 04)

Quote of the Month- “I would have been better off beating a kid, because those teachers always seem to keep their jobs.” –Matthew “Matt Striker” Kaye, a New York City high school teacher recently fired for using his sick days to tour as a wrestler (July 05)

Quote of the Month- “I packed one suit, one shirt and one tie. That’s it,” Miami Heat Head Coach Pat Riley, before winning his fifth championship as a head coach, Game 6 of the NBA Finals (July 06)

Quote of the Month- “The ones who love us best are the ones we’ll lay to rest/And visit their graves on holidays at best/The ones who love us least are the ones we’ll die to please/If it’s any consolation, I don’t begin to understand them” The Replacements, Bastards of Young (July 07)

Quote of the Month: “I like those girls that look like cats, or dinosaurs. … Girls that have eyes like a raptor.” Greg Parker talking with London Houston and myself about a certain type of eyes – in a related note, I hear Jurassic Park IV might come out before 2010. [8:49PM] (July 08)

Quote of the Month: “For the longest time I thought Jon and Kate Plus Eight was a porno,” Lauren Hovey (July 09)

Quote of the Month: “Social life? Look … This year … you’re going to find out who your real friends,”Elijah Williams, City Year Greater Philadelphia team leader, during Basic Training Academy in September. I’m not sure if he remembers saying it, and I didn’t keep it in mind all year. But I always had a feeling he knew what he was talking about. (July 2010)

First Thoughts (July 04) – Good month. It’s been a while to all my Spain peoples, and that while is now described as exactly one year. So this is update number 12, and there are 12 months in a year, and…I’m done writing an intro. Last month I spent a good page on that and it was all about seniors, so now I get to talk about…last year. So to the point, I have a job now. A really good job. At school. But it’s nothing like Spain. So I break out the list to describe the difference between working at school and being in Madrid and Antequera for a month…

1. At camp, orientation lasted 6 hours, while orientation in Madrid lasted 4 days and 3 nights

2. At camp, drama is when a kid (or counselor) starts bleeding. In Spain, drama was who was still out at 4 in the morning

3. At camp, the locals speak English. In Spain, the locals speak whatever language your traveler’s check speak

4. At camp, you play Oregon Trail during computers (and kill people on purpose). In Spain, you pay for minutes at the internet cafe and you do what you want

5. At camp, your bunk is home, even though you just drop your stuff there. In Spain, home is where your food, bed, and loving host family is. And where you drop your stuff off, like your 20 inch sword from Toledo, or the paper that says “Lauren” instead of Lawrence in it

6. At camp, everyone looks up to you. In Spain, everyone just looks at you

7. At camp, you play dodge ball. In Spain, you dodge English in Maria’s music class.

8. At camp, there’s running with no real purpose. In Spain, there’s the Running of the Bulls…which if you don’t know about Spain and their connection to los toros, has no real purpose

9. At camp, you have to do a skit that little kids will enjoy. In Spain, you do a skit that you would enjoy if your Spanish was better.

And finally, at camp, I’m at my school, but I’m working at the camp, meaning I have to get up early to get there on time. In Spain, I was as far away from my school as I ever was…just to wake up and walk around Antequera lost as ever just to get to…school. And now the fun part…

First Thoughts (July 07): I know what some of you are thinking. What in the hell is this e-mail attachment I’m reading? Well if this is your first time, it’s the MADDSKILLZ Update, Lawrence Murray’s claim to fame. If you are new to it, it will be a long ride so hold on. Now to the rest of you all, you may have remembered me saying last month that I will be invisible for the month of June, but I didn’t give a reason. I even released the e-mail version of the MADDSKILLZ Update (June 07) well before June got here. Here’s the deal: From May 31st to June 6th I was at the University of Maryland-Eastern Shore (UMES) for Philadelphia Freedom Schools Servant Leader Training. That’s a lot of big terms right there, so let me simplify. After three years of working at Friends’ Central’s Trailblazer camp, I needed to switch things up a bit this summer. Now, the intention was to find a media internship, since those are nice things to have before graduating. However, I only got in contact with some NBC people in Philly, and I didn’t feel like hanging around City Avenue for an unpaid internship, I still need to get through college. To make a long story short, I went from trying to get a media internship to seeing if my experiences from FCS and general societal skills would be a help to Philadelphia Freedom Schools. That’s great and all, but I basically went from being a camp counselor and working with kids to… being a trained teacher (Servant Leader Intern) and working with kids. Funny how things work out. So let me break out The List to describe how different working with PFS is from FCS:

1. At Trailblazer camp, orientation is about six hours long. At Say Yes To Education/Philadelphia Freedom Schools, orientation depends on your perspective. I could just say orientation was the seven days in Maryland. But I’ll say that orientation was the six weeks of preparation from the time I got home until the program actually started.

2. At Trailblazer camp, you create one big poster with your bunk name and everybody’s name on it and you put it on the door. At Say Yes To Education, it is good if you have a poster like that, but you would also be short by about a dozen posters.

3. At Trailblazer camp, you can go to many “classes” such as drama, art, and toys, although you are almost as likely to skip those classes and just play dodge ball. At Say Yes, you run your own class!

4. At Trailblazer camp, the oldest bunks get to go on one trip of their choice. At Say Yes, we read and we do math, but we make sure everyone gets on a trip too!

5. At Trailblazer camp, it helps if you are an athlete, because you will be running outside quite a bit, doesn’t matter if you are a counselor or a camper. At Say Yes… I at least ran for the bus Wednesday!

6. At Trailblazer camp, you bring your lunch from home or pay for it. At Say Yes, everybody’s covered for free, as long as you’re under 20 years old. EVERYBODY. Even if you have nothing else to do with us.

7. At Trailblazer camp there are many activities you can do in the afternoon called Pathfinders. At Say Yes, there are many activities you can do in the afternoon called…afternoon activities. By the way, I’m assisting Brother Nasir and Anwar with karate. Which means in between the bathroom shuttles and helping line kids up, I’m learning that Rising Form Block!

8. Trailblazer camp is situated at a suburban school on Philadelphia’s City Line and kids get walked to their cars to go home. Say Yes To Education is at William C. Bryant School, in the depth of West Philly, and if a kid can walk home, they sign themselves out and they see you the next day, easy.

9. At Trailblazer camp, your work is pretty much over when you go home. At Say Yes, your work is pretty much just beginning when you go home (reading books, forming lesson plans, making fresh charts, etc.).

10. And finally at Trailblazer camp, the day ends with Spirit Time, where one lucky bunk gets to perform a cheer, the whole camp sings the theme song and everyone bounces. At Say Yes, the day STARTS with Harambee, which due to it having eight parts (including two chants and cheers and a theme song) will not be explained in detail, it would be too much for some of you. Although Rob Ricketts and Jasmine Hunter can tell you all about it after being my reading guests for July 11th!

So now you know what I’ve been working with and preparing for the past seven weeks. Even now I have lesson plans to complete and sleep to get. After a school year where I am sure there wasn’t one week that I got up before 8AM five days in a row or went to bed before 12AM five days in a row, I find myself up before SEVEN every day and in bed BY 12 every night. It’s not about me though, it’s about the scholars. As for the rest of the Update? Can’t say it’s all about me, but we’re definitely not talking about the scholars now…

-The NBA draft was held in New York last week, and I’m going to be as brief as possible so I don’t turn off my non NBA fans. In fact, I am going to be as brief as two words, provided by Dwight of the still famed posse: “Renaldo Bookeebook????” (July 06)

-Leadership is only allocated to those that can handle it… [9:55 PM] (July 08)

-Now introducing the Black Eyed Bees: “I’m a bee, I’m a bee, I’m a I’m a I’m a bee … I’m a bee on the next level … I’m a bee spreadin’ my wings … I’m a bee brilliant with my millions … I’m a bee living that good life … Celebrate like I’m a bee.” (July 2010)

-Today is Canada Day. So if something went wrong, you know what to blame it on. (July 04)

-I finally got a chance to watch basketball consistently (not having cable doesn’t bode well for NBA fans) with the NBA Finals. I must say, there are issues I have with the state of the NBA media. I could not stand it when every time the game was going on one would frequently hear something completely irrelevant to the game, or even the NBA: “And Manu Ginobili is at the free throw line…I hear Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes, you hear that Al?…No, I’m still trying to figure out if Brad and Angelina is fake or not…Makes one of two…Hey that Ginobili, he’s from Argentina isn’t he?…Yeah that’s true, I always wanted to visit Chile, it’s right next to Argentina…” (July 05)

-A lot of the Freedom School cheers and chants have a remix to them. I would like to propose a musical oddity to rival the remix: pre-mix! (July 07)

-What does the PTC like to see more, commercials about making men larger or porn stars holding microphones on the news? (July 09)

-So I did mention that Obama is now officially the Democratic nominee for President of the United States. I was talking to Lacy about this, and I told her that this Presidential election is turning into a movie that came out in 2003 called Head of State. It’s the movie where Chris Rock ran for President, and I think that it should be re-released! Seriously, who watched that movie thinking it could really happen in five years?! [10:22 PM] (July 08)

-Musiq is coming out with a new album, it’s called eycanntesepl (I Can’t Spell). (July 05)

-One last note on Obama. He has yet to pick a running mate. Well, I have the perfect pick: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson! The Rock Obama! Who would want to mess with that ticket? Check out this future excerpt from the Democratic National Convention: “Finally, Barack has come BACK, to Denver! As you know, I am here to officially name The Rock, The People’s Champion, as my tag-team partner against John McCain and the other no-name roody-poo jabroni that he nominated as his running mate! It doesn’t matter what his name is! All the matters is that together, The Rock Obama will layeth the smacketh down on all their candy asses! IF YOU SMELLLLL…what BARACK…is cookin’!” [10:41 PM] (July 08)

-There is a new drug out on the market; it’s called the Side-Effects Drug. It doesn’t do anything except tell you straight up that you will have side effects, which makes it one of the most effective drugs out today. (July 06)

-Al and Tipper Gore are divorcing?? Really? Those two?! Damn! Who would have predicted that? In a related story, Bill Clinton is still single. (July 2010)

-Wisest thing I heard from a caller while I was in the studio last month (not surprisingly, this is related to the presidential campaign but has general interpretations): When you apply for a position, whether it’s a spot on a team, or a job, or a school, you have to fill out an application or tryout. What you do for the tryouts or application will be different than what you are expected to do in class or during practice or during an interview. And when you get the position, or graduate, or get ready for the actual game, then what you do will be different there as well. Sometimes you have to do some things that will get you to the next step. And once you get there, you adjust accordingly. [11:04 PM] (July 08)

-I couldn’t help but notice how Diddy flavor of the year winner Yung Joc and Usher seem to be separated at birth…don’t think so? In a related story, Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger demonstrated how dangerous it is to try and do Yung Joc’s “Joc-In” while riding a motorcycle. (July 06)

-Actually seen on the train in Philadelphia: There was this dude who looked just like Hulk Hogan walking through the cars on the El. He was wearing a stocking cap, this red and yellow rubbery tearaway shirt, tights, boots that came to his knees, and arms that looked like they were bought by Vince McMahon. I glanced at him and saw that he looked like Hulk Hogan and just ignored him. That is, until he started randomly flexing and posing in front of unsuspecting people on the train!! That’s when I figured out; this guy looked like Hulk Hogan on purpose! This was the most absurd thing I saw on SEPTA this month, although this woman who used a walker and looked like Thrasher from Final Fight that got kicked off the bus for having what I’ll only refer to here as “wet muddy jeans” was quite absurd as well. [11:15 PM] (July 08)

-Bill Clinton’s book (called My Life, if you’ve been living in Atlantis for the last month), hasn’t been called a classic piece of work exactly. I’m not ready to read close to a thousand pages anyway, not with summer reading, so I don’t plan on reading it for a while. But here’s one critic response I couldn’t exactly get over…Monica Lewinsky’s comment saying how the book doesn’t tell how it ruined her life and reputation (And how Mr. Personality was the his favorite show ever). Well, Monica, of course it doesn’t…The book’s not titled “How I Made Monica Lewinsky Feel Loved”, by Dr. Phil. It’s MY LIFE, byBill Clinton; Bill was nice enough to describe how awful that first night was though, which I have to imagine is a nice consolation prize… (July 04)

-I know this is about a decade late, but aren’t Fat Joe and Zordon from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers separated from birth?! (July 07)

-In last month’s update, I defined what a hustler is. As an update to that, a diva is NOT the female version of a hustler. Divas are divas. Prima donnas. Female OR male. It’s an attitude, not an occupation. Diva describes how one acts, not what someone does. I can’t believe Jay-Z let Beyoncé get away with that. (July 09)

-This is America. Speak 82.1% English, 10.7% Spanish, Chinese, French, Sign, Hawaiian… (July 2010)

-This is usually the time when an unknown rapper breaks their mouth and becomes the hottest ticket six months later… (July 04)

-Hold on while I feed a child with a click … (July 09)

-My brother recently broke out my old Super Nintendo from back in the day (1992). Super Mario World was the first game I ever played…now in 2005, older and more aware of the world, I can’t believe my eyes. The whole game is drug-infested. Mario gets “stronger” with three items, mushrooms (those are illegal), fire flowers (translation: “smoking” “weed”), and a feather that lets him fly (another way to get high). And if he catches a star, he becomes invincible. A hallucination like no other. Oh well…at least there wasn’t any driving in that game…he gets around on a green dinosaur with a long tongue if he’s lucky. (July 05)

-Tacos, also known as Sloppy José’s. [11:35 PM] (July 08)

-I’ve talked before about the Wendy’s commercials being terrible since Dave Thomas’ death, and the one where everyone goes crazy because a guy wants a baked potato is just hard to watch, although I might want to do that one day if it gets me a phone number. I think that Wendy’s should just use a hologram of Dave Thomas and sell it’s food that way. It would be a lot more interesting at least, even natural. Think about it, anytime you saw Dave Thomas in a Wendy’s commercial, you wondered why he’s still hanging around the restaurant, so nothing would change that much, right? (July 06)

-And finally, while everyone waited in line for a new iPhone, I got mine online through that annoying popup months ago. (July 07)

And The Last Word… (July 04)

Games played in 9 camp days that I had no clue would be so much fun (let alone strategize to twelve year old boys the keys to success in): doctor ball, speedball, kickball, ultimate Frisbee, capture the flag, ending a year’s worth of MADDSKILLZ Updates…

That’s the Update. Holla Back And Be Safe, Strange Things Happen When Countries Have Birthdays (NO Fireworks Special K!)

ONE SHOT (July 2010): (scene: A few hours after 1SKILLZ Pack-a-thon 2010 ended, Management usurped the 1 with the SKILLZ like the series finale of ALF and transported him to an undisclosed location for unknown reasons. For the purpose of the MADDSKILLZ Update, the undisclosed location was determined to be the observation deck of Philadelphia’s City Hall. 1SKILLZ gets off the glass elevator to find Management waiting the way Kirk Fogg waited for Olmec to start Legends of the Hidden Temple.)

MANAGEMENT: Welcome 1SKILLZ.

1SKILLZ: Welcome? Welcome?! I just got done packing, and you decide to straight kidnap me? And take me to William Penn’s statue?! It’s 3 at night, who do you think you are, Eminem???

MANAGEMENT: For one thing, it’s 3 in the morning.

1SKILLZ: Well… yeah, that’s true…

MANAGEMENT: Secondly, we decided to keep you on Earth this time.

1SKILLZ: I see, thanks for being so convenient.

MANAGEMENT: It was the least we could do. The moon self-destructed last time.

1SKILLZ: You cannot be serious. That was a solar eclipse.

MANAGEMENT: Silence!

1SKILLZ: :SIGH: What do you want with me at this hour. I’ve been up all night. Whole crew was in there. And I’m not sure who I’m going to lose next year.

MANAGEMENT: You’re whole crew wasn’t there. The Brother Dwight is in New Hampshire with Keys. Rob the Legend is in Colorado. Justin the Franchize is MIA (he could be in Florida). Everyone you worked with just about has already escaped Philadelphia. And, well, we understand that NBA free agency officially started on the first of July.

1SKILLZ: I know! Seriously, LeBron’s gonna bolt. I don’t see how he comes back to Cleveland. Dwyane Wade? How crazy would it be if him and Chris Bosh went to Chicago!!! So many moves to be made!

MANAGEMENT: Yes, yes, this is what you are interested in, we understand that. But do you know why we bring up NBA free agency?

1SKILLZ: Because people don’t talk about the World Cup inside City Hall at 3AM…?

MANAGEMENT: Yes. And no.

1SKILLZ: Oh wait. This is about MY contract status?!

MANAGEMENT: Precisely.

1SKILLZ: What about it?

MANAGEMENT: We have checked your numbers, and have made some decisions.

1SKILLZ: You all suck at decisions. For one, you took me here to tell me you made some “decisions”.

MANAGEMENT: Well, our decision last year was that we decided it was best to let your contract signed in 2005 expire as originally planned.

1SKILLZ: You guys keep telling me stuff I’m already aware of! I should have held out while I had the chance in September…

MANAGEMENT: Well, we were sort of excited for you at the beginning of this season. We knew you had gone through changes in your life and now you aren’t at that inadequately named university. We were interested to see what a new chapter in your life would do for the MADDSKILLZ Update.

1SKILLZ: Well if you ask me, this has been a great season! I had some growing pains, but I’ve been on a roll I think.

MANAGEMENT: Is that what you see? Because we happen to disagree.

1SKILLZ: Are you kidding me? Are we looking at the same numbers? The same feedback? We can’t be.

MANAGEMENT: I’m not sure what you see. We see two numbers. 2,000, and a number well below 2,000.

1SKILLZ: Oh no. You are talking about something different…

MANAGEMENT: Yes, your tune is changing now.

1SKILLZ: Ok now, you can talk all you want about the “Save the MADDSKILLZ Update!” campaign, but I did WORK on that. I released 16 special compilations!!!

MANAGEMENT: Oh, very well of you to bring up those “Best of” compilations. And how much feedback have you gotten from them?

1SKILLZ: … Somebody wrote something. A few months ago?

MANAGEMENT: And even your holdout wasn’t genuine! How are you going to say you’re not going to engage in special projects, but then start contributing to TWO websites outside of the MADDSKILLZ Update?!

1SKILLZ: Hey now, NFL Touchdown is a great opportunity. And I know you don’t have a lot of friends bumming around high points of East coast cities, but I wanted to support my friends with Swagriculture. But I still released full MADDSKILLZ Updates for the people!

MANAGEMENT: Full MADDSKILLZ Updates? That reminds us. You said you would cut down on the length of the MADDSKILLZ Update, yet you still routinely release material that working class people cannot invest in.

1SKILLZ: What do you mean, I’m a working class person you know! I put in more service hours a week than ever before in life this year! And still found a way to produce on par!

MANAGEMENT: Well, and this is also from your holdout statement, you said that you would drop the average number of pages in the MADDSKILLZ Update from 6.1 pages. Do you have any idea where your numbers are at this year so far?

1SKILLZ: Actually I do. I’ve released the shortest season of MADDSKILLZ Updates in years. My longest Update this season was in October, and that was 7 pages, and it was my 75th Update, so kick hard rocks.

MANAGEMENT: Well, you’re July 2010 Update was your longest since then, and we just know you’ll release a long update next month. You can’t help yourself.

1SKILLZ: I helped your mom last night.

MANAGEMENT: If Chuck Norris was here your jaw would be broken!

1SKILLZ: Chuck Norris is old news, nobody refers to him or his roundhouse kicks anymore.

MANAGEMENT: Is that right? Well we have determined that the MADDSKILLZ Update is old news.

1SKILLZ: You all are making the wrong decision. I know that the “Save the MADDSKILLZ Update!” page only managed to get 313 fans, or likes, or whatever you want to call it. But I know you didn’t bring me to City Hall just to dismiss me like that.

MANAGEMENT: Well, we admired the fact that you continued to keep pushing your hopeless goals upon people who continue to have no idea what the MADDSKILLZ Update is after 7 years.

1SKILLZ: Honestly, I don’t even know what the MADDSKILLZ Update is.

MANAGEMENT: Well, now you don’t have to worry. You will release your final MADDSKILLZ Update in August.

1SKILLZ: I … I can’t just go out like that… That’s 7 years of my life. Of other people’s lives!

MANAGEMENT: Indeed.

1SKILLZ: You all are selling me way short, but I guess I understand…

MANAGEMENT: Don’t feel bad. You even said, the MADDSKILLZ Update was for the people. And, well, because you felt like it. You may feel like doing the MADDSKILLZ Update still, but the people have decided.

1SKILLZ: Well, what if I get those 2,000 likes before August?

MANAGEMENT: That won’t happen. Plus, you’ve decided to leave Philadelphia. Again. You’re going to a completely strange land. We hope you know what you’re doing. Because your time in the city of Philadelphia is up.

1SKILLZ: What do you mean my time in Philadelphia is up? This is home! Or at least, it’s as close to home as I know… And since you are the authority on decision-making, what should my next move be if I can’t do the MADDSKILLZ Update anymore?

MANAGEMENT: Well, you’re the 1 with the SKILLZ. We imagine you’ll figure it out. For the moment, we suggest you get ready for your flight. Philadelphia is set to explode in less than 24 hours. Finish packing. And good luck.

(1SKILLZ made it back home and got ready to leave the city of Philadelphia for an indefinite amount of time. He had left the city every year since 2005, but this felt different. As for the city of Philadelphia … the city didn’t exactly explode. It turned out to just be fireworks at Penn’s Landing for the Fourth of July. But that’s not the point is it? Until the next time…)

This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Letty says hi.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Sending messages. Across the land.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. But I’m not that angry.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Now featuring all words by Lawrence Murray in black letters, unless noted otherwise.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Rob cut me.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. A historic thriller that’s bad, dangerous, invincible, and off the wall.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. 7/3/2010, 5:45pm PST, LAX.