MADDSKILLZ Update
Best of Season 4 (2006-2007)
1SKILLZ Management (1maddskillz@gmail.com)
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 06)
Quote of the Month- “I don’t have things in common with people. THEY have things in common with ME. Don’t get it twisted.” Sarah Barner (December 06)
MADDSKILLZ Update (October 06)
FIRST THOUGHTS (May 07): *The following is a transcript from the press conference called by Lawrence Murray on April 15th, 2007 to address the results of Operation Damage Control*
“Good evening to all the people here, good afternoon to those on the West coast, and good morning Shanghai. We are here today to assess Operation Damage Control, in relation to the controversial MADDSKILLZ Update April 07, which drew its highest rating of the season by far, 2.2%. As a few of you may know already, the MADDSKILLZ Update from April 07, which was released approximately two weeks ago, ruffled some feathers, to say the least. To say the most, some folks were royally pissed. If you have feathers that is another problem that I cannot deal with today, so I am paying particular attention here today on those who were royally pissed. This month so far seems to be the month of lame ass apologies. Don Imus if you were here I’d be looking in your direction. I will say that in reference to the next MADDSKILLZ Update, there will be a RetardNation segment addressing him. However we are getting slightly off subject. For that, I apologize. However for the last Update, I should not be apologizing for meaning what I said IF you all missed the point. As we all know, people missing a general point to focus on a specific issue can happen when one attempts to KEEP IT REAL. Thus, this is why much has been said about “when keeping it real goes wrong”. For the record, I was NOT coming at one specific individual in last month’s RetardNation segment! I was using that individual to prove a general point of all people, including myself, the problem of passively observing and dismissing people. The added sarcastic that comes with RetardNation was, I am happy to report, understood by both long-time readers of the MADDSKILLZ Update, if there is a such a thing, who are used to seeing various RetardNation reports by now AS WELL AS people who saw the 45th Update for the first time. Despite all of this, I have plenty of lame ass apologies for those who felt victimized by the last MADDSKILLZ Update for whatever reason. For all of those people who were offended by my glorification in being called an asshole, such as Dwight and Rob of the FAMED posse, I apologize. I will represent myself better as a person you all sort of know and love and I mean that. But there’s more. I apologize to Greg Parker even though he’s been in just about every other Update this season it seems. I apologize to Isabel Friedman, who I hope becomes president and Jon Dellum for forgetting their April birthdays once again. I apologize to Coop for not knowing ahead of time he would have my back in my fight against RetardNation. I apologize to Shawn and Telia who were responsible for rescuing me from Charleroi over Spring Break and not being properly credited in the ONE SHOT. In fact, I apologize to everyone who read the ONE SHOT, because as one reviewer sharply pointed out, I was up at 5 in the morning and pretty much half sleep by time the ONE SHOT came around. Who else here…TWIN. Both of them. I apologize. When I called out Friends’ Central last month, I didn’t expect such a great response from Twin and Sam “Sam Aronson” Aronson, as well as Pir and Christian “Bosh” Chester at the showcase, as well as Twin and Laura Matey hosting Coffeehouse, as well as many other unacknowledged events. That would have been awesome, and I apologize as well for not demanding that those events be taped. Also, I apologize to FCS for referring to “Jungle Balls Rock”. I apologize to Mike D. as well for not mentioning his video last month; however, I do expect copies of all videos featuring the 1 with the SKILLS before the end of the semester. Damn, who else…I apologize to all Africans. I apologize to Rob (of the FAMED posse) for comparing his darkness to the extreme darkness that is Kueth Duany. Also, to Kueth Duany, I apologize. I apologize to all users of the ICF, as I did not mean to threaten you all with a staple gun. I apologize to all text-messaging, non-calling females. It is not your fault that I can’t find better ways to keep in contact. I apologize to ESPN’s Doug Gottlieb, as he is earning a paycheck and I am not. I apologize to all those employees at Cal U who push carts; I should not have devalued your important work here. And I apologize for not starting the May 07 Update a lot sooner. If I am missing an apology, I apologize. I must bring this press conference to a close, so everybody here, good night. Shanghai…good morning.”
MADDSKILLZ Update (November 06)
– (September 06) I stayed at a Holiday Inn the night before I moved into college, and I felt like a dumbass the next day.
– (August 07) We need to have more discussions and fewer disCUSSions…
– (July 07) Words are fantasy, actions are reality.
MADDSKILLZ Update (December 06)
– (October 06) In RetardNation: A lot of people noticed that Facebook, in a further effort to alter life as we know it, introduced the News Feed. The addition drew heavy backlash, as people were concerned about Facebook becoming too invading, like Myspace. I’m going to be honest here. Those people who are concerned about people watching their every move on Facebook are so retarded it’s ridiculous. If you are concerned about strange people that you don’t know knowing every detail that you change, STOP ADDING THEM AS FRIENDS DAMMIT! And if you don’t want something in your profile to be seen, then don’t put it online! That’s why Myspace scares people now, people are saying, “I don’t want my child molested online”, some dumb BS that parents usually say. You know the best way to make sure you don’t have some 47 year old child impersonator hitting on you? Put some ugly ass pictures of yourself online, stop using those damn hearts (you know the one: <3), and stop putting up your life. Unless you want to, and in that case, that’s your boat. Bottom line, this getting mad at Facebook because your lazy ass didn’t feel like deciding if you want a person to know you and your information needs to be toned down, big time.
– (October 06) And in future news, I have lost 942 friends on Facebook.
– (June 07) At the turn of the year I mentioned how bad Gwen Stefani’s song “Wind It Up” was. I still think the lyrics are terrible and the yodeling extravagant, but the more I hear it, the more I tolerate it. It’ll probably be in my music library before the end of the summer. I say that because I don’t believe it should be the worst song of the decade anymore. Not since Lil’ Mama. Seriously – has music gotten this bad?! The fact that there is actually a song about LIP GLOSS is downright frightening!!! LIP GLOSS! This girl got the beat from banging on a table like she was in third grade, then after school went to the corner store around the way and bought 9 bags of Rap Snacks and some damn lip gloss and decided to put two and two together. This is scary people! Or maybe it’s just me? Hell, I should’ve come out with a track called “Bodyspray”. “My Axe is fresh, my Red Zone is strappin’!” Something likes that, you know?! See, some old folks (RE: Steve Harvey) give music today a bad rap (no pun intended). Here’s the deal though. I say if something was hot back in the 60s and 70s, then those people got props because they started something or it was groundbreaking. Based on that, I think the best music coming out from today (today as more 2000s than 2007) should be greatly appreciated, because it takes a lot of work and a little luck to come up with something exclusive today. It’s hard to do something that hasn’t been done before, which is why you get a lot of covers, a lot of remixes, a lot of sampled material. The good comes with the bad though. And this is how we get to Lil Mama’s abomination of a music track. I’ll give her credit for being innovative; I don’t know anyone else to talk about their lip gloss. However…it’s LIP GLOSS dammit!!! In a related story…who accepts a drink bought buy some dude named T-Pain?!
MADDSKILLZ Update (January 07)
– (May 07) And here, back again, the unexpected return of RetardNation. First off…”Nappy-headed hoes”?! This coming from Don Imus?! Takes one to know one Don. That cowboy hat isn’t there for decoration people. If anyone is a nappy-headed ho, it’s Don Imus. And to top it off, his face looks like Iron Man’s. I would say all jokes aside, but this isn’t BET, it’s the MADDSKILLZ Update, so I’m coming at all sides here. Anyone who was satisfied with Don Imus’ firing should know the real deal if they don’t already. If Imus was fired for what he said just this one time on the air, Al Sharpton never would’ve been involved in this mess (come to think of it, why does every time a white person says something racially insensitive they run to Al Sharpton, or Jesse Jackson, or BET, like Imus did, Michael Richards did, and in 2002 Trent Lott, respectively? It’s like they’re the principal in all this)! I personally wanted to hear from somebody that Don Imus didn’t get fired for his words, but for his BS LAME-ASS “apology”. You know what he kept trying to tell Sharpton: “It was stupid, I should’ve never said it, and I’ll never say it again”, something to that extent. Come the hell on Don! Don’t you know who you are? You are Don Imus!!! You have a history, a reputation, for saying some real stupid things, attacking all races, lifestyles, and what have you. You are so messed up even Howard Stern hates you! You were able to keep your job before mainly because you didn’t lie and say you’re not going to say dumb and blatantly offensive things. You know why you got fired Don? Because even if you kept your job, you had two options: offend someone, or go mute and not have a show anyway. It’s that simple! Now I know, you were thinking to yourself, “How do I get fired when I hear the same language from other races and nothing is made of it? I mean, the only reason I said that is because I was walking down the street, I heard it, and I thought to myself ‘I should throw that in the show somehow.’” Now I may very well be wrong, and just like everything I write, I open this up to discussion, but this has more to do with WHO you called “nappy-headed hos” than the words themselves: a college basketball team of strong women whose majority of their players happens to be African-American. Needless to say, they’re not hos Don. As a point of comparison, Snoop said in 93, “We don’t love them hos!” This is a repeated verse in hip-hop among rappers and civilians both of all races. Is it wrong? Yes. So how does Snoop Dogg (and everyone else for that matter) get off the hook but Imus gets fired? Because Snoop did NOT say something like: I don’t love that ho, that lives down the street from me, I see her every day, her name is Tina Robinson, she lives at 96 West Crenshaw Street in San Marcos, in fact, there she is RIGHT THERE!! “Ho” is a general term Don, and whoever takes offense has every right to, but they can’t make nothing of it when it is left as general. You decided to be specific, and that got your ass rightfully lit. Also, people should not worry too much about losing their freedom of speech. Imus had freedom of speech; you don’t see the government getting involved, and black people everywhere, as much as they probably want to, cannot whup Don’s ass without getting their asses whupped by the cops. That, my friends, is freedom of speech. This is why these same people who were offended by Don Imus’ words and Michael Richards’ words should take some real action and stop using those words. If anyone is truly offended by these incidents (and you are kidding yourself if you think this won’t come up again), they’ll stop making excuses for themselves as to why they can use certain words but others can’t. All of this said, Imus will find something to do in RetardNation. There’s a radio station there that needs him.
– (November 06) Not to stay on topic, but me and my friend Chelsey (but mostly me) have picked up on a little technique people use that I like to call “The Look Off”. Now I keep my head up, so I try to talk to a lot of girls that I’ve probably already worn out my welcome with (that would be about, in theory, 93 % of the females I’ve met since 1998. I did an experiment and came up with that figure). Basically, I could have a class with someone, talk all the time for a few months almost, and a couple of months later, you see them, but they see you and go “not this bastard”. They prepare for “The Look Off”, but I see it coming, and I stare off too. But then I make eye contact, and the girl is too scared to keep looking off and is surprised to see you, like you climbed out of the sewer behind her a minute ago. In a way though, it is helpful to me when certain females employ the use of “The Look Off”, because I can then add that person to that 93 %…
– (April 07) It’s Rob Ricketts birthday this month (and Cap’n Zack’s birthday). I wanted to ask Justin Plummer this question but apparently he’s busy throwing shots or something. Now Justin likes to refer to Rob as “DARKNESS”. Rick James liked to refer to Charlie Murphy as “Darkness”. And I like to refer to former Syracuse forward Kueth Duany as “Dark Vader”. Seriously, there is darkness, and then there’s Kueth Duany. So who should really be “DARKNESS”: Rob (of the FAMED posse), Charlie Murphy, or the man who is so dark that he is practically invisible at night?
MADDSKILLZ Update (February 07)
– (March 07) You all see these photos of people who are either wanted, and you say to yourself, “he or she LOOKS crazy”. Now I’m not trying to advocate profiling of any kind, but this is the MADDSKILLZ Update, I’m trying to stir some thought here. People watching television, I’m sure, aren’t the first people to think, “I’m NOT surprised this person is armed, dangerous, and has a pet raccoon”. There are photographers that take these pictures in the first place. They should seriously be trained to “investigate” those individuals that look like they’ll show up on television at 11:08PM! Photographer takes a picture, and the guy looks rabid. The photographer can’t just be like “all right Mr. Reeves, you can go now”, and then a bakery gets robbed 2 minutes later! It’s something I wonder about that’s all. I like to think about things that would improve society, you feel me? No? Ok, let’s move on then.
– (February 07) February is Black History Month. This is nice. But we need more. History is a great subject, but we can do more than look back with 28 days. I mean, we can look back for maybe 10 days. But then let’s look at the present for the next 9 days. It would then be Black Present Month. Then for the last 9 days, you look forward: Black Future Month. And we don’t have to just study the History. We can assess the Math, Literature, and Science too! We can even have Black Criminal Justice Month. And it doesn’t have to be Black History Month, it can be Green History Month-No, never mind that’s pushing it. It has to be Black History Month. You can only celebrate so much in 28 days.
– (December 06) I was talking to Alan Veliky (who will have to let me in on how he does all those ten page papers in short periods of time) one day and we basically concluded that if you steal one single thing and you are just running through a crowd like you obviously stole it, you’d be too suspicious NOT to report. But if you just walk through the street with a bunch of laptops, in a suit and tie, or a UPS uniform, and say you are just taking care of business, people will just go, “do your thing my boy, STAY ON YOUR GRIND!” So if you are going to steal something, do it in mass volume.
MADDSKILLZ Update (March 07)
– (December 06) And in a related story, Lawrence Murray is being held without bail.
– (January 07) You know those bus cameras? They are there to prevent any dumbstuff from happening on the bus obviously, but I wouldn’t be surprised if none of those cameras work. I have a thing for spotting security cameras (guilty conscience), and everytime I walk into a room I look for a camera. You can seriously just stick a warning somewhere saying “you are being watched”, it wouldn’t make a difference. We live in a day and age where all you need to do is “show” you are packing security. Just look at the hood, you know for a fact that the only part of the Slomin’s Shield people have installed is the aluminum sign for the front yard.
– (April 07) After over three years there will be a sequel to the film Love Actually, tentatively titled as Sex Actually…
MADDSKILLZ Update (April 07)
– (November 06) I went to McDonalds recently, and I noticed that they are trying to upgrade some of the restaurants so that they have things such as high-speed internet. So…remember when fast food meant just food? I mean what’s next, they’re going to start playing board games…wait, they already do that too…
– (September 06) And finally, if there is one thing I’ve learned in one week of classes, it’s not to come in while the professor is discussing the late policy.
– (October 06) And finally, I went to Kennywood, an amusement park in Pittsburgh, last Saturday night for Fright Night. Now…tell me why one of the girls thought I was one of the park attractions.
MADDSKILLZ Update (May 07)
– (November 06) And finally, I was watching the NFL this week, and I never realized it, but there are just too many Dicks announcing football games these days.
– (December 06) And finally, the holiday season is among us. I want to wish everybody a Happy or Merry “Whatever you celebrate”. I could have just said Happy Holidays but I make things harder, so whatever. I know I sent a lot of cards and whatnot, and I won’t be able to do that this year, but don’t think I’m not thinking about you. And most importantly, my cell phone works so call me…DO NOT TEXT ME!! I rather have a 5 second call than a 5 cent text. As for me, I’ll never send another text message. Mostly because when I send them, people don’t know it’s me dammit!
– (January 07) And finally, I got seasonal employment this year…at WacArnold’s.
– (February 07) And finally, I had tickets to the Revolution but I couldn’t go, and apparently it wasn’t televised.
– (July 07) And finally, while everyone waited in line for a new iPhone, I got mine online through that annoying popup months ago.
– (August 07) And finally, I talked about how I was going to create a “FAMED POSSE appreciation group” on Facebook last August 06. Not sure if Dwight, Rob, and Justin would have approved, so I didn’t create it. So for this year’s “Facebook group that probably won’t get created”, I’m thinking about “MADDSKILLZ Update appreciation group”. I wouldn’t want to be the administrator, but I might have to. If I decide to create the group of course.
– (May 07) And finally, I got a little scare over the weekend. It was 2AM Saturday morning, and I was just chilling, minding my business, when…the IRS called. Now the number was blocked, and I thought it was my dad because he always blocks his number when he calls. I picked up, and I heard some guy tell me that I had claimed too many dependents on my return! Then he said I had to come to the offices because I had an arrest warrant with my name on it! I told him I can’t come into any office, I’m in school. He says “it doesn’t matter sir, we come from across the state to arrest people.” Now, what’s ironic is that I have nobody to claim, I haven’t even come close to having dependents to claim! I kept telling this guy “I can’t have too many dependents, I HAVE no kids!!!” Now, my dad did teach me some common sense, so I didn’t give the guy vital information over the phone, I had a feeling it might have been a hoax. He gave me a number to call and hung up. I knew something was especially screwy when I called the number Saturday and it was invalid. Sure enough, I called the IRS Monday to clear my name. But for a weekend I was thinking about how somebody thought I had enough kids to get arrested.
MADDSKILLZ Update (June 07)
ONE SHOT (July 07): While at Servant Leader Training at UMES, there was plenty of curriculum modeling and learning how to reach scholars and build lesson plans, but for me the best part of being there were the media literacy related workshops and the cultural awareness seminars. I still feel like my skills and experiences would fit best with those types of projects, although there’s a way to do that as an SLI. There was a Social Action workshop where we got in groups and produced our own rap for peace, kind of like The Stop the Violence Movement’s “Self-Destruction”. Well here was my verse, I guess it can be added to Self-Titled Album, the fictional as of now album I was supposed to be coming out with that was introduced in the March 07 MADDSKILLZ Update, as a bonus track:
Peace is real/But you gotta believe it’s something you can feel/we’re a family we must pull together now/the world is cruel you feel like trash/seems like it’s run by folks with money and cash/no! It’s time for you to rise/if the world hasn’t heard, they better recognize/every action has an equal reaction/we got a new faction, social action/so it’s a movement feel free to join us/but understand, we in a rush/you don’t need to push to in this line/social action hot like the sun let’s all shine
MADDSKILLZ Update (July 07)
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. I wrote this a long time ago, a really long time ago…in 06.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Hair and shape-up courtesy of Cyn and Spin.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Game, Score, Win, Loser.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. In school to learn the rules, in life to break the rules.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. More on this as it develops.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Easy enough.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Never met a wise man…if so, it’s a woman.
This has been a ETADPU ZLLIKSDDAM. Where no one cares that much about Ardmore.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. OOHHH NOOOO!!!!!
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Low brow but I rock a little know how.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Now featuring all words by Lawrence Murray in black letters, unless noted otherwise.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Get up, get out, and get something.
MADDSKILLZ Update (August 07)