Above is what I will be subjecting myself to this time tomorrow in Culver City, CA as I take the Graduate Record Exam (GRE) for the second time.
Some 14 weeks since writing the “Bill Cosby” personal statement on this site, I’ve done my best to put my time where my words are (a slight variation of putting my money where my mouth is). I haven’t written much about what I’ve been going through these last few months, choosing instead to bludgeon you with my “music” and only occasionally telling you about how much I don’t exactly care for my daily hustle. I feel like all of the “providence training” I got in City Year was key for this year, and I also feel inspired when thinking about my roommates from last year always studying and preparing at the table for various tests and deadlines and interviews; some of which were successful, some which fell short of the mark.
This has been as if I got to do my senior year from high school (2004-2005) all over again. When I was a senior at Friends’ Central, I watched my peers stress out over where they were going to college. For me, I didn’t take that approach. I knew I was going somewhere, and I knew I wasn’t staying in Philadelphia. But I also lacked direction in the sense that I didn’t exactly care about where I would go. I didn’t commit to California (PA) until late April (when Morgan State fell through due to lack of communication), and I never ventured west of central PA until that summer. I didn’t talk to a single faculty member at the school until orientation. I put myself through four years of college at a place I was never completely sold on; “settling” at its finest.
Now, I’ve made it no secret that I have never been completely sold on grad school. But this year, it’s been great going through the process with the perspective and experience gained from 2004-2011. I saw myself attending grad fairs, prospective visit days, campus tours, e-mailing faculty, setting up informational interviews, etc. In other words, the things that I could’ve done the last seven years while going through high school, college, and City Year, but had to learn vicariously how to approach it. I learn something every day and every year. The last three years, I’ve always caught myself trying to apply what I’ve learned in a past situation only to see that the timing didn’t fit in the current situation. That is why it never made sense for me to consider grad school while in City Year; the current situation then didn’t allow for me to pursue it with my greatest intentions, and I never felt like it was a great use of my time.
Which brings me to the first time I took the GRE. I took it December 31, 2009, in a driving snowstorm in Philadelphia. I treated it as a practice test, and I can tell you, I’m not a good practice performer.
What we talkin' 'bout?!?!
The following is what I said after I took the GRE that day, per the MADDSKILLZ Update (January 2010):
-I mentioned last month that I was going to take the GRE before the New Year, however possible. I haven’t pretended to want to take this exam, but on the last weekend of the year I scheduled myself to take it on New Year’s Eve … 8 o’clock in the morning. The last available slot. I knew I wasn’t going to be in a good spot with that time because I struggle to get started in the morning. But that Thursday morning was almost complete worst-case scenario as I put on a clinic for what NOT to do before a 4 hour exam. After going to bed at midnight (and too unfocused to pretend to study), I had an alarm set for 6AM … but that phone malfunctioned overnight because I put it in the wrong charger, so I got up at the time I wanted to leave home (7AM). Then, I decided to double-check what time I had to be downtown and it said that I should be at the test center at least 30 minutes before the scheduled appointment or else I was risking not being able to check in and take the test. That would mean that I needed to be there by 7:30AM. I was planning on being there at 8. I didn’t leave the house until 7:20, and that was after skipping breakfast. I had to ride SEPTA to get down there, but when I opened the door I was greeted by sliding snow. Wonderful. I somehow made it to the place by 8, and I was relieved to see that the lady at the desk expected everybody to show up late anyway. But then I had to take the damn thing. I spent most of my time wasting my time. I simply was never comfortable: my mind was floating, I was hungry, thirsty, tired, and generally unhappy. I did especially bad on the verbal, as I got caught reading too much (some of those damn excerpts are interesting). But my goal, frankly, was not to do well on the GRE; if it was I would have made time that I didn’t have to study. It was simply to get a record, see what the exam really felt liked, and to further motivate me to pursue this whole grad school thing. I did what I had to do in that regard, and I really appreciate everybody who wished me luck.
Fantastic. That experiment, unofficially, is what shifted my focus to City Year and Los Angeles. I thought I could rest easy with these GRE scores on my grad school application, but after visiting the Idealist Grad Fair in Little Tokyo in October, I found myself not being able to be content with my old scores. That Halloween weekend, I committed money I didn’t have for study cards and a new test guide – knowing that I would commit even more money that I didn’t have towards taking a test for a program that I know I don’t have money for.
But I have the time. And I’ve been breaking out the cards and getting extra familiar with the math concepts that I remember from the late 90s/early 2000s at FCS. I write all the time, so that helps. But most importantly for the GRE, I’ve been sleeping. Not necessarily to rest, but to practice getting up out of bed. You see, unlike New Year’s Eve 2009, I won’t get to catch a bus downtown. I have to get up 5am Saturday morning, leave my house no later than 6am, and catch two buses to get to Culver City by 7:30am (why Prometric doesn’t have a single testing location in LA is a waste of my study time). I tried getting up at 5am last Saturday morning, and I was so tired I didn’t even get out of bed by 8am. Needless to say, life changes needed to be made this past week.
This has really felt like Finals Week though. I used to love my early December preparations for my last week at school for the semester. Good preparation = good three hour testing periods = freedom from SW PA for four weeks. It’s strange this year though. I’m taking a test on a Saturday, it won’t be bitter cold, and I won’t be going home this year for Christmas for the first time ever. In fact, I would have spent the entire 2011 calendar year west of Phoenix, AZ. But compared to how I felt this time two years ago, I’m looking forward to doing well Saturday. Wish me luck though, I’m going to need it!
-1SKILLZ
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