MADDSKILLZ Update
Best of Season 1 (2003-2004)
1SKILLZ Management (1maddskillz@gmail.com)
MADDSKILLZ Update (August 03)
Quote of the Month- “(Pay attention, people.) I have skills. Mad skills.” –Lawrence Murray(August 03)
MADDSKILLZ Update (September 03)
FIRST THOUGHTS (August 04) – I’ll be honest after not being honest, if that’s possible. I wasn’t expecting to do an update this month, and I told almost no one. Number one, my computer’s hard drive wasn’t working most of this month, but the new drive came a week early. That’s all good, but I had a really bad Friday night as well, another “cultural disagreement” with my Dad that turned into a nasty fight. I’m obviously over it though, so let me say that: August is the most uneventful month of the year. Sure my brother turns 13 in 5 days. That is IT! Let’s run through the months of the year real quick: January (first month of the new year, and my birthday five days later), February (Valentine’s Day, where everyone thinks they’re in love), March (St. Patrick’s Day, where everyone figures out Valentine’s Day was overrated and they get drunk and have a one-night stand), April (holy and commercialized month #1), May (Memorial Day…and one of those parental holidays), June (Memorial Day #2 [graduations] and one of those parental holidays), July (Independence Day and Nikka’s b’day), September (Labor Day…an oxymoron of a holiday), October (two of the worst excuses for a holiday in Columbus Day and Halloween), November (Thanksgiving), and December (holy and commercialized month #2). I rest my case…
MADDSKILLZ Update (October 03)
– (August 03) The food in this country is good. The food in Spain is good. But the food from Telepizza is still bad.
– (October 03) Cross Country. Sure feels like it.
– (November 03) I’m going to get this procrastinating out of my system. I am so good at it though…
MADDSKILLZ Update (November 03)
– (February 04) Priya’s adventures over the last month or so have included driving 360’s, driving into things, driving herself crazy, driving just about everywhere…
– (February 04) Andrew had a quote about the fact that Eagles (and NFC Pro Bowl) coach Andy Reid would get everything to protect the world from aliens except the robots. Needless to say, the Eagles have dropped three straight chances to win a Super Bowl appearance.
– (March 04) Genny wants another quote in the MADDSKILLZ Update: (#@$%!!!) I’m sorry, but the FCC would not allow me to share this quote in its entirety. Sorry for the inconvenience.
MADDSKILLZ Update (December 03)
– (April 04) My school’s junior/senior prom is at the end of the month, and if I can somehow rake up 135 dollars, and a way to the event, I might have Nikka with me that night. A big if. But it would be the BEST thing that could happen to me this month.
– (May 04) After nine months, Nikka showed up at my house in a neon green car wearing a black and pink dress (which got its own reactions) just a week ago. I had just got finished putting a tie on (it took longer than it probably should have-I don’t exactly dress as appropriately as I should, but I had to on prom night) and I was happy to see her. So to sum up the prom: pictures at my house, bring Dwight (of the famed posse) over to take more pictures, go to the club, greet everybody, take more pictures, let four hours fly by, take Nikka home…
MADDSKILLZ Update (January 04)
– (June 04) You know that coach that was fired for the Crybaby Award? The kid’s family cried and cried and their son wound up getting the new Dedication Award named after him. So let that be a lesson to you…cry and cry, and you will be rewarded handsomely.
– (July 04) Today is Canada Day. So if something went wrong, you know what to blame it on.
MADDSKILLZ Update (February 04)
– (October 03) Posse Update…They think I’m a player just because some ladies are taking the initiative to speak to me. More on this as it develops.
– (June 04) Some crime stories floating around from the land of RetardNation…a burglar pistol-whipped a woman demanding clothes and appliances…and then demanded her to fry him some eggs. The woman did so, and the retard was arrested while he ate. If it was only that easy! And a drunk was arrested after he was found showering in a local car wash. Reminds me of that car wash song, only with retard effects. Also, a man was killed…by pepper spray applied to the police. Well the streets are still crazy.
– (July 04) Advocate groups have seeked out Lindsay Lohan, among others about the abuse of the word retarded. I had a segment last month called RetardNation, but that segment will stay retired.
MADDSKILLZ Update (March 04)
– (July 04) And in RetardNation…Viacom may be fined a lot of dollars for the Super Bowl incident by the FCC. Come on…that was LIVE!!! LIVE! You can’t hold Viacom responsible for anything, because it was LIVE!! And I don’t know what the FCC is thinking…Cheney flashes a verb, and the first thing that pops in the Michael Powell’s mind is “damn, that Super Bowl was offensive, we need more money to help us recover”.
– (May 04) A very funny thing happened on the bus back from a track meet. I had used my cell phone to semi-anonymously celebrate one of my coach’s 27th birthday. I called him three times, saying “happy birthday, and I have skillz! madd skillz!” I let him react over the phone and then I hung up. He was in the front and I was way in the back. Now this started to be fun until it got interesting. Too interesting. I got a call on my phone from an area code I knew nothing about (but because I keep a planner in my pocket at all times that has every area code in the country, I found that it was just a Philadelphia suburb). I answered my cell, and on the other line was a deep husky voice, presumably a female named Rita. Now, I knew all about telemarketing, but that’s not even allowed anymore, so I went along with the call. She said she got my number through Dwight (of the famed posse) and I was like, o…k? She said that she wanted to meet me sometime and I was like, “yo, I don’t even know you lady!” She requested to speak to Dwight (of the famed posse), who was also at the front of the bus. I passed the phone up, and he says to me about four minutes later, “yo man…this girl is BAD! Go with it, go with it. And I was like “why her damn voice so husky man?! And then he challenged me, saying, “DO I EVER STEER YOU WRONG?!?!” So I listened…
– (May 04) The “Rita” girl with the husky voice called me several more times on the road trip, leading my neighbors around me to think that I planned this crap. I was like, “I never met a good looking girl with a husky voice”, but I answered the phone, and I blocked the number, so she said to leave my home number. That wasn’t happening. When we got off the bus, I looked at Tim and he saw I looked confused (more confused then usual). Then he said, “what, you’re afraid of husky voiced girls?” Of course I was! Especially if my other coach Lance is that husky voice! I was never so sullen in my life…except that time I stole beef jerky from a supermarket, but that’s another story…
MADDSKILLZ Update (April 04)
– (April 04) Snickers. Now even more nuts in your mouth.
– (February 04) With SAT’s still on my mind, I have another analogy prepared to help me and others with their SAT preparation and any other test: “If you want to pass a Lit test, read a book. If you want to pass a History Test, talk about your grandma. And if you want to pass a Chemistry test, be on chemicals all day.”
– (November 03) I have a story to tell that I’ll tell to my kids. It was last Monday night. 7:00 p.m. Eastern Time. I mopped the kitchen floor (and swept) with this mop that has cleaner solution already inside. (This is an impossible AIM story so bear with me.) Anyway I commence to being on the computer and watching the Dolphins kill San Diego on MNF. Flash forward four (4) hours. I’m closing out the AIM, turning the lights out, the game’s a blowout, I’m thinking about Tuesday…but good ol’ Dad comes down the stairs. He doesn’t look at the floor, he feels the mop…and it’s dry. He asks if I mopped the floor. I say yes. He asks when. I tell him. He is skeptical, but he never looks at the clean floor, so he tells me to do it again. Now, It is 11 o’clock at night and I’m a bit ticked. But if you let him know that, your head goes through a wall. So I do it again. But not as if I cared…It’s housework!!! But he surprises me and comes down stairs. The floor is soaked and I was about to go outside. But he is steamed and he tells me to go outside. I’m like “you know, whatever, your boss”. Then he locks me out. Intentionally for the night. Now, I don’t have a nice back yard. There have been (as Jordan might remember) “various mammals” out there with trash cans and a little bit of lawn. It’s also dark. I don’t get let in until 15 minutes later when my mom is wondering what the hell is going on. I get banned from practice (basketball at that) that week. I’m still going “what the hell?” (Damn that segment is looong…)
MADDSKILLZ Update (May 04)
– (February 04) You’re around your teammates in a road game. You’re watching another game, just chillin out, getting focused, when some semi-attractive girls come your way. You know, the girls that act and look hot, but you aren’t even thinking about hooking up. You talk to them, your teammates see you, and they call you a player immediately. Is this your situation? Are you a victim of “False Player Reputation?” If so, shut up…I got 99 problems but that’s not one.
– (March 04) False Player Reputation does not apply to me. Just to clear that up…I have no reputation, and if I was a player, I would hate myself…
– (October 03) (E-mail me immediately if you get this piece of humor) At my second SEPTA stop to school, there is a funeral home. The name of it is the Helen Waite Funeral Home. It’s a good thing they don’t have a slogan, or it would sound like this: “If a loved one dies, go to Helen Waite.”
MADDSKILLZ Update (June 04)
– (May 04) I take Fairy Tale Lit now that American Lit has run its course, and I have to say this: those wolves really like thick forests…
– (August 04) Roughhouse: a game of basketball where there are infinite participants, every player for them self, trying to score as many points to a limit. When you play this game on the street, you can count on three things: intense streetballers; one incredibly fat court jester who scores a lot and pisses you off in the process; and one drunk/stoned participant who laughs all the time and has dangerous mood swings, but isn’t dangerous on the court because he shoots from half court the whole time.
– (February 04) Fun with lyrics, part 2: Michael Jackson’s troubles were detailed in part one of last month, so now I feature Ruben Studdard. He has his song “Sorry 2004”. Now, it’s a nice song, but the years going to be over in 10 months. What’s he going to do? I have suggestions for the next few years or so…”I’m sorry live, 2005″; or “I’m sorry for that (fill-in), 2006”; or “I’m sorry again, 2007”; or “I know I ate, 2008”; or “I’m runnin Outta time, 2009”; and finally, “Where have I been??? 2010”.
MADDSKILLZ Update (July 04)
And The Last Word… (August 04)
My first MADDSKILLZ Update, August 03, was short but a start of what has become this thing I write every month. I originally wrote it as a way for me to keep up with about 20 people I met in another world. Since then, a lot more e-mails have been added to the list, and it has been difficult to tell them just what the hell I’m doing wasting 7 pieces of paper on the first of every month. So, as I did in the very beginning of the August 03 update, I’m going to briefly tell everybody what the MADDSKILLZ Update is:
What: MADDSKILLZ Update (duh)
Who: By Me (and nobody else), originally for EIL July 2003 but list is growing
When: First of the Month, every month
Where: Who cares
How: You answer that
Why: Because I love these people (RE: because I feel like it…)
To Trailblazer Camp 2004, Have a Great 2004-2005…To Everyone Else, It’s Still A Long Summer
This has been a MADDSKILLZ publication. If There Are Any Rights, I Reserve Them. For a Long Time.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ publication.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ publication. Not SKILLs. SKILLZ.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ publication. But you can give a Benjamin and we’ll talk.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Copyright 2003 and 2004, for all those thinking you can get over.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ UPDATE. This has been a MADDSKILLZ UPDATE. This has been a MADDSKILL…
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Sent to Pennsylvania, and Massachusetts, and New York, and Florida, and Georgia, and everywhere else…WHOOOAOAAOOA!!!
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Can You See it Now? Oh well, It’s 8 font. Maybe your friend wearing the rec-specs can.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. And I’m not fooling around.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Word to your mother.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Not your father’s MADDSKILLZ Update.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Letty says hi.
This has been a MADDSKILLZ Update. Also known as the MADDSKILLZ Update.
MADDSKILLZ Update (August 04)